A Psychologist's Thought Book: Observations #10

                                                # 10

Therapy begins when the "you" becomes "me".

One of the things that psychotherapy can help to produce is the transition between understanding one’s self as the “false universal” and becoming more firmly an individual.  It is amazing to listen to all people speak and hear how often we all use the word “you” in a way that seems to mean everyone.  So a client, when speaking about him self might say “So sometimes you do things that you’re not proud of.” In this context, the “you” distances one self from the responsibility for one’s own actions. Part of the self-building that can happen in therapy is to replace those “yous” with “I”s and “me”s.  Some critics have suggested the therapy that does this makes people selfish and over emphasizes “individual” needs to the detriment of society because to ‘produces’ a narcissistic ME. Nothing could be further from the truth. By putting people in charge of their own lives, it removes narcissism of the Universal You.  The you says whatever I think--everyone else thinks as well.    The you is far more dangerous than the I because the You allows the projection of unanimous values onto people who probably do not hold those values.  When the client says I, she is only speaking for herself and now others are free to disagree with her, be aligned with her or have an number of differing opinions. The I is far from selfish, it pulls me out of a false sense of unity so that I can firmly can say what I stand for and it inherently respects others because I now don’t initially assume that there is universal agreement with me.

A Psychologist's Thought Book: Relationships #7

                                                # 7

                                               

I hate when I can’t find anyone else to blame.

Recognizing one’s own responsibility in any failure is quite a delicate task.  There are two extremes that have to be avoided: Blaming others for things that are your fault and blaming your self too much for things that are out of your control. In psychology, there are disorders of blame, namely the personality disorders, in which the person seems unable to take responsibility for ones’ actions.  This is detrimental to good health because one cannot learn from one’s mistakes and if others are deemed responsible for my bad circumstances.  It also makes sense that if I see others responsible for the problem making that it makes sense that only others can fix my problems. So blaming others often leads to passivity. On the other side, over-blaming one’s self seems to be a key ingredient in mood disorders like depression. If everything that goes wrong is somehow linked to me then I’m going to have a hard time appreciating myself and believing that I have any redeemable qualities.  One needs to steer in between these extremes and that requires understanding your humanness. 

A Psychologist's Thought Book: Paradoxes #5

# 5

I had the American Dream but I woke up sweating and screaming.

At the heart of the American Dream is a paradox in that we often stress individual success and yet there is also a strong tendency to conform.  We have been told that the Dream is to have a good job and thus we can work hard to have a beautiful home, a spouse and two kids and two cars in the driveway. The problem is, of course, this is a cultural dream and it isn’t individual. While we do see the individual being the one who is largely responsible for the own success, we only accept certain expression of that success.   Ortega y Gasset once said something to the effect that we no longer are satisfied with an ordinary life, now we are only happy with an extraordinary one, which of course makes the majority of us miserable. 

Next project: A Psychologist's Thought Book

I had some success with my first project "An Artist's Thought Book".  This was a series of aphorism that I wrote about making art. Chapters covered topics like 1) what it means to be an artist 2) reflections on painting 3) making music and singing 4) writing poetry and finally 5) the nature of creativity.  This was a success on an irrelevant scale (my mom liked it).  So I decided to try again with a similar book about being a Psychologist.   I plan to have two parts to the book.  In the first chapters I will have just the raw aphorisms as I did in the Artist's version, so people can read them and have there own interpretations of what might be said.

The one important addition here is that in the second half, I will have my own thoughts about what the aphorisms mean to me. This, of course, will be somewhat arbitrary since I often write some thing down, only to think it is significant months later, and I could never remember the events that lead to the original thought.  But at least the reader has an opportunity to compare one's impressions with that of the author.   The planned chapters are: 1) the self 2) relationships 3) observations  4) life and truth 5) paradoxes.

Upset

Upset

All

I

did

is

do

what 

I 

do

well

.

Business Plan

Business Plan

Where

trailer courts

first appear

condos

will follow.

Principle

Principle

Sometimes

the kid who

looks like

he could use

a good beating

has already

had too many.

Vinyl Culture

Vinyl Culture

May all

your holes

be small

and all

your leaks

be audible

Depression

Depression

A particularly painful event in the past

Becomes the primary part of my

Permanent punitive identity.

Cluster B

Cluster B

The longer

she speaks

the less

you believe

that she

is talking

to you.

Plastic toys & Diapers

Plastic toys & Diapers

Children

really don't

get enough

blame for 

destroying 

the 

Earth

!

random thoughts #5

Meaning is the coat hooks of your life.

Random thoughts #4

That was the sound of snow falling off the mud-flap of my soul.

random thoughts #3

Tears only occur when something matters.

Random thoughts #2

Sometimes all you can do is hold the hand of the dying.

Random thoughts #1

Since history is written, there’s bound to be some mistakes.




 

Chapter 5: Creativity from "An Artist's Thought Book"

                                                                      #  7

Just remember that most experimental failures are often seen as “turning points”.

When we envision a project, naturally, we don’t include the trials and tribulations that will actually be required to complete it. We often imagine things going very smoothly. But I ask you to think of your favorite piece of your own artwork or even a proud moment in your life. What I believe you will find is that those projects were on the brink of failure at least once, but probably several times. It is frequently under the circumstances of repeated obstacles that creativity is tapped into at its deepest level. True and deep insight often comes from working relentlessly on a project, but oddly enough the “Eureka” moment comes when we are taking a break from our work. The turning point is when we seem to have exhausted the possible answers to the question “how else can I do this,” and then we are surprised that a most obvious, and frequently a quite simple, solution pops into our head. It is only then that we wonder why we did not see this before.

Chapter 4: Poetry from "An Artist's Thought Book"

#45

Reading, Writing, Reflection are the three paths to improving one’s mind. If you want to sharpen your mind you have to rub it against something abrasive.

I find it fascinating that in the great art eras of the past, the artists often would be reading the most up to date philosophy and sometimes physics too! Their art attempted to express visually or poetically the trends in thought. It is like one’s mind, both artistically and intellectually, needs to be sharpened.  And one proven way to do so is to read something difficult.  Not difficult for difficult sake, but for the artist, who is seeking insights and ideas for art work, to use another’s thoughts as a “spark” to get the wheels in one’s mind moving. Moreover, one’s grasping for understanding may not lead to understanding, but it often leads to thought generation in the forms of hypothesis, analogy, and metaphor. 

Chapter 3: Painting from "An Artist's Thought Book"

                                                                 # 54

A failed painting doesn’t mean you should quit, but you should be more radical.           

Most of the time when I have finished a painting and been dissatisfied with it, it is really because I did not take enough chances with the painting.  In each work there has to be some kind of challenge for both the artist and the viewer. This might mean choosing an unusual color or color scheme for ordinary objects or in some other way destabilizing the viewer’s reception of the piece. One of the small, but mighty, rewards of being an artist is when one sees a patron cruising past art in order to “see the show” and suddenly the patron comes to halt in front of your piece.  To elicit that response, one is going to have to take chances.

Chapter 2: Singing and Music from "An Artist's Thought Book"

                                                #42

I find that when I’m writing a song, there are often two songs that are competing to get out and one time.   One has to allow both to be born.

People have likened creativity to pregnancy throughout history.  I have found that, occasionally, in song writing there are twins!   The artist becomes confused since one is imagining that there is only a single child coming. The melody or lyrical content wants to separate itself into two different directions, and if we are able to be patient with what is emerging, it is possible that we can allow these fraternal twins to come out and be different souls. 

Chapter 1: To be an Artist from "An Artist's Thought Book"

                                                   #42

Art is getting your conscious mind out of the way of your unconscious processes: art is the craftsmanship of the unconscious.

It seems that so often what stops the artistic process is thinking. When we think, we judge, criticize, procrastinate, or even worse play it safe. The best ideas that I get for my art work generally happen when I'm doing something else and I get this "aside" thought about an art project.  For me, art ideas do not happen because I want them to happen, most of the time they happen in spite of me. They happen unconsciously (or at least automatically).  The most important thing is to recognize any idea as worthy of writing down or sketching out.  Probably the worst habit is to "evaluate" the worthiness of the idea before making notes on it. Now, the conscious mind is in control and frequently that part will tell you that the idea is "waste of time", "not that unique" or "too difficult". We have to learn how our own unconscious processes work and then put ourselves in the position received what it delivers.

Inheritance

Inheritance

We’re going to end up

with everything

which never meant

anything to us.

Stuck

Stuck

It wasn’t just that

he had a short leash

he also had it caught

between her legs.

Growth

Growth

You evolve

until

 you don’t

exist

Reconciliation

Reconciliation

What kind of statesman

do you have to be

to make peace

with your past?

Poems for the Medicated

I figure just about everyone is medicated by now.  So since we are both busy and drugged, I might as well keep my poems and thoughts as short as possible.  People, certainly, can't pay attention for longer than a paragraph. Some of you are already drooling on your keyboard. So here will be aphorisms, poems and short ditties that may be thoughtful, funny, or ironic. But in every case they will be short.

Everything is original work by the author unless otherwise noted.